Sneha Saha

Commitment is not always great announcement. Sometimes, it is how we include someone, in a smallest possible way we can, in the smallest corners of our everyday lives. It doesn’t mean giving big promises or declaring forever but choosing someone even when the days are boring. It is about emotional safety, finding home in each other. I struggled to be a part of his life, I wanted to be seen like he sees his friends, sisters, colleagues, I wanted to exist in his world but not as a secret, not as someone whose presence had to be carefully hidden. Once, during an event, he told me, “Lets be like a stranger here”  So, I pretended that I had never known him.  I understood that he wanted to keep this relationship private, I respected this. But I told him that I wanted to feel included in his life even if it is in the smallest ways. He listened but never cared enough to change anything. He told me “Until the differences between two people don’t disappear, I never do that”....

प्रिय, हाम्रो बीचमा के भयो, कसरी भयो अनि किन भयो, मलाई थाह छैन। तर एउटा कुरा भने थाह पाए, तपाई बिना मेरो जीवन कठिन रहेछ।  न राम्ररी निद्रा लाग्छ, न भोक। उज्यालो कहिले हुन्छ, साँझ कहिले पर्छ, त्यो पनि थाह छैन।  चिया को स्वाद त मैले बिर्सिसकेको छु, कुनै कुरा को स्वाद महसुस नै हुँदैन।  संसार कस्तो रंगको छ, त्यो पनि बिर्सिए कि जस्तो लाग्छ।  ऐनामा आफूलाई हेर्न मन लाग्दैन, गाजल र लिपस्टिक लगाउन बिर्सिसके, कपाल पनि चार दिनमा एकपटक मात्र कोर्छु।  मन त केवल एकै ठाउँमा बसिरहोस् जस्तो लाग्छ, तपाईलाई सम्झिँदै। आँसु आउँछ, तर रुन पनि सक्दिन, त्यसैले लेख्छु, के थाह मन को व्यथा यसरी लेख्दा अलिकति मन हल्का होला कि?  तपाईँ कहाँ जानुभयो?  मलाई माया गर्नु हुँदैन थियो र?  मेरो आँखा अझै पनि तपाईँलाई कुरिरहेका छन्, तपाईँ आउने बाटोतिर हेर्दै बसेको छन्।  यदि माया नगरेको भए तपाईँसँग रिसाउने थिएन, यदि माया नगरेको भए यति धेरै दुःख पनि पाउने थिएन होला।  म तपाईँ आउनु हुन्छ, एकपटक आउनु हुन्छ भनेर पर्खिरहे। तर एउटै गल्ती मात्र गरे, तपाईँ को मन बुझन सकिन, तपाईँ लाई भेट्...

When I woke up this morning, my eyes were sealed shut. Sticky remnants of the night clung to my lashes, binding them together, making it painful to open. They were swollen, aching and heavy. And for a fleeting moment, I found you there. Submerged beneath my pupils, Floating somewhere between sight and memory. I stood before the mirror. My eyes reflected what I have been carrying for months. Grief and relief existed side by side. Relief because for a moment i could see you again. And grief because I do not know when i ever will. Perhaps my eyes released what my lips could never bring themselves to say. Or perhaps this time, I was too afraid to give these feelings a language.  But i knew what this was. The same realization that visited me long ago, This time it returned without a warning.  I knew you were still here, Not merely in my thoughts, Not merely in my imagination, Not as a memory waiting to be forgotten.  You remained inside me, like invisible particles moving thro...

A story of Pooh, love, and healing. Once upon a time, deep inside the Hundred Acre Wood, there lived a bear named Pooh. Everyone knew Pooh as the soft, honey-loving bear with a big tummy and an even bigger heart. He made people smile, always said "oh, bother" in the sweetest way, and gave the warmest hugs. But what no one truly knew… was that Pooh was tired, not the kind of tired that a nap could fix but the kind that lives in the soul. Pooh hadn’t always been this way. Once, he had believed in forever friendships and love that stayed. But over time, he had lost more than he could speak of. Friendships faded. Some left, Some forgot, Some didn’t see him the way he saw them. The warmth he always gave to others rarely returned to him. And slowly, day by day, Pooh stopped expecting love to knock at his door. He still smiled, Still helped, Still laughed with Piglet and Eeyore. But he had built quiet walls around his heart, Not made of bricks, but of silence and jokes ...

Everytime I gain a little confidence to tell someone what I feel for them I can't tell them. I was good at expressing before but now I am not and this is the reason why I write because everytime I gain a little courage to pour my heart out people proves me that I shouldn't. I keep waiting to see you once and you test my patience by making me wait more. I keep remembering you and you keep reminding me of my past that once ruined my life. I find reasons to love you and you keep making me believe that love is wrong. I have now started questioning myself why did I fall in love but how do I explain you falling in love with you was not in my control...! I have now started counting faults in myself , I feel i have lost myself. How do I hope ? Hope what? I prayed , I cried and I believed that everything would be fine as life gives us second chance but I am tired of trying to move on from my past. I feel I am still revolving around my past I think I am repeating the ...

Love is beautiful like the flower rose which comes in hues of red, pink, yellow, white and sometimes black. Love too has different shades but still it is beautiful in all it forms. Rose comes with thorns and like roses love comes with expectations, no matter how beautiful the rose is until and unless we do not remove the thorns out of the rose we will never be able to touch it and take its complete fragrance , similarly no matter how beautiful the love is but until and unless we do not remove the expectations out of love we will never be able to experience the purest form of it. Sneha