Tired.

Everytime I gain a little confidence to tell someone what I feel for them I can't tell them.
I was good at expressing before but now I am not and this is the reason why I write because everytime I gain a little courage to pour my heart out people proves me that I shouldn't.
I keep waiting to see you once and you test my patience by making me wait more.
I keep remembering you and you keep reminding me of my past that once ruined my life.
I find reasons to love you and you keep making me believe that love is wrong.
I have now started questioning myself why did I fall in love but how do I explain you falling in love with you was not in my control...!
I have now started counting faults in myself , I feel i have lost myself. How do I hope ? Hope what?
I prayed , I cried and I believed that everything would be fine as life gives us second chance but I am tired of trying to move on from my past.
I feel I am still revolving around my past I think I am repeating the same mistake . The mistake that my parents taught me not to do , the mistake that my past lover taught me not to do. The mistake of being in love and so I am right now with you and once again I have been proved that I have done a mistake loving you. I wish you could know how much I keep longing for your love. I wish you would know my pain that I keep hiding behind my smile. I wish I could tell you what I go through in your absence.  I wish I could make you understand what you have done to me .
And I am still hoping , hoping for good, hoping for a smile , now I don't know how to unlove but I don't want to run after you as I am tired of running,  I am exhausted, I want to sleep peacefully. 

I want to sleep peacefully....